Had an interesting day. Kind of confusing. Kind of productive. Mostly just got by without committing to much. :) Finished my 1st assignment for my new class & submitted it. Excited about getting through this class and started on my classes this summer. Math, Computers and (I think) a business class. Can't quite remember, but I'm pretty stoked. I'd like to get as much as possible taken care of before next summer so I can move downtown. It would be fan-fucking-tastic if I finished my associates degree by then so I could move to U of H and get my bachelors. *crossing my fingers* yay.

So, I haven't REALLY posted on lj in about 2 months. i posted the wedding pictures, yes, but that took 2 seconds. Tonight, i can't sleep. I'm at my in-laws house and everyone else is asleep, but i just have that insomnia bug. Now, I'm actually looking to see what my friends have been up to, and I feel lost. I'm lonely right now, which, yes, i'm sure has a lot to do with it. Also the fact that I used way too many commas in that last sentence, but I'll get over that.
Here's whats new with me...

*I'm married. Its been a little rocky, but mostly good thus far.
*Our daughter is just about 16 months old and is the most wonderful thing on the planet.
*I feel like i'm losing my friends, one by one.
*All of this (good and bad) seems to be my fault.

I wish I could fix the bad things, but I just dont have the energy. I'm exhausted, and run down, and lonely, and I just dont think that I can anymore. So, if I haven't been living up to some of your expectations, I truely apologize. I want to say that I'm so very sorry for not being there if you needed me, for not saying hello when I could have, and for not being able to give you more than I can right now. I'm sure I'll lose a fair share of you all, but that will be my own fault.

I'm sorry, and I love you all--
love always,
Sandy

http://www.photoreflect.com/scripts/prsm.dll?eventthumbs?event=0BXN001B
http://www.photoreflect.com/scripts/prsm.dll?eventthumbs?event=0BXN001A

you'll like...i promise.

 

Here's the latest Kyra pictures...she got a swimming pool and new bathing suit...and she loves the hell out of both. :)  enjoy--

sandy

 

( Pool Pictures )

Well, Danny and I found our apartment. They're called the Villages at Louetta. Right off of Kuykendahl. (for those of you who go by landmarks...down the street from the starbucks.) Anyway, we went today and saw a model apartment 2 bedroom 2 bath, and damn. its really nice. Its gonna be $800 a month. Which sounds like a lot, but we like the location, and its 2 bed/2 bath. so its not that bad. I've been excited about it since we went to see them this afternoon, and now, i'm thinking about it, and its kinda bumming me out. I dont know why. When I had my last apartment, i loved it. The entire time was spent working, drinking, and having sex. But, I can't do that anymore. (well, not as much i mean) I guess its just that I've been living here with my parents for the past year and a half. I'm comfortable here. Kyra is comfortable here. And as grown up as I wanna be, I'm still a little kid sometimes. When something is wrong with Kyra, i go straight downstairs to my parents room and ask for help. You know? And even if they move into the same complex, it wont be the same. I think it kinda scares me too that danny is going to be working so much during the summer and we're getting this apartment in the next few weeks. I'm just the kind of person that REALLY can't be alone. Maybe in small incriments, but not for extended periods of time. And if i'm taking care of kyra all day while he's at work then he comes home and sleeps, i'm going to freak out. I'm sure things will be fine, just a little anxious I guess. Anyway, my parents and I are going back tomorrow so they can see the apartments for themselves, see which plan they would like. Oh, and if any of you are interested, they have 1 bedroom/1 baths for $500. So, bring it. :)
sandy

Hey how's it goin? I'm alright. Kyra and I were sick this past weekend and I'm still tryin to fully recover. Kyra is doing a lot better though. Today, Ellen and Emily spent a good 7 1/2 hours with us. That baby is so freakin cute. She can walk now, and she says "no" to everything. "Emily can i hold you?..." "no." "Emily, you need a diaper change?" "no." "Emily, you hungry?" "no." its really really cute because she shakes her head when she says it. guess you have to see it, but damn its great.
On a really really good note, my parents have been talking about getting a smaller house or apartment when we move out because this house is just too much for only them. So mom and I were looking online earlier and found an apartment complex in the Woodlands, just a few minutes past the Woodlands Mall, called Windcrest Spring. They're really pretty looking, huge space, and very very good prices. Both of us think it would be good to live in the same complex. I think it'd be helpful since we still need some help with Kyra from time to time. They'd be right there.
Anyway, I'm gonna go, I still feel a bit sickly, I was just excited and wanted to update. Write more later.
sandy

i am not ok. im depressed and lonely. no one seems to have time for me except amber. she gives me all she can, and im very greatful for it, but she has her own things to tend to. i need attention and i dont get it. i need affection, and i dont get it. i need to feel cared about and loved from the one person who needs to give it most and i dont feel it. i can't talk to him because he gets defensive. i get frustrated because i know our conversations wont go well. i am not ok. i feel selfish because i need so much and he says he gives all he can. maybe its just me. maybe i ask for too much. i love him and feel ungreatful because i need so much more than he gives. maybe its just me, but i. am. not. ok.

hey how's it goin...i'm kinda lonely. danny is sick so he's already asleep. kyra is asleep, my parents are going to bed and i was talking to amber but i guess scott needed her or somethin because she had to let me go. i only work 3 days a week now, so im stuck at home most of the time. nothing much to do here, so i just lounge around all day and think. too much thinking can be a bad thing. i'm up to my ears in wedding stuff, thats all very complicating and overwhelming. trying to stick to a budget, trying to figure out things danny and i would both enjoy, trying to get information from multiple people...its a lot more work than i expected it to be. i'm just lonely a lot. i dont really have much to write about...so i guess i'll go. if something new comes up, i'll write some more.
sandy